Week 3 – Thank You for the Compliment!

I consider myself a fairly strong-willed person, some might say stubborn (that would be my immediate family –ha! What do they know?). I have strong convictions and opinions, both of which I will voice when asked... and sometimes when not asked. I thought I had a good handle on how I expressed myself and where my ideas came from. Then Claudette gave me the values worksheet. I was shocked at how little I could connect with the values at the core of my being. I found the exercise confusing. I kept going back to what I think is important, my opinion of what “should” be a value, what I want to be a value. I just wasn't getting it. It left me feeling confused and just a little vulnerable. Who am I??? (Drama Queen moment, giggle.)

I am not ashamed to say that I had to go through the values exercise a number of times and have an extra session with Claudette to talk about why it was so hard for me to dig up my values. We had a discussion around needs and values, which, while related, are not the same thing. Here in lies my difficulty. It took me several days to wade through my needy needs and dig out my core values. But I did it. I came up with a list of five values that resonate deep inside me. Getting a handle on these values gave me a sense of peace and power, a good soothing “you are able” kind of power.

It is a good thing that I had a morale boost, because Week 3 was all about self esteem and confidence. Self esteem is a tough area for me. My self esteem is dependent on how much validation I get from others and on my current weight. I have struggled with poor body image for years. There is no way that I can take a compliment about my body. I never believe the person. I think they are just being “kind”. At times I feel like a victim in a downward spiral. Poor me, “how can I ever feel good about myself?”(D.Q. sneaking out again).

My confidence level is somewhat different. I am able to recognize my skills and feel confident for a while. But in my quest for perfection, I eventually beat myself up and set a higher standard. Thus I am again never good enough. It would be nice to spend more time enjoying feeling confident.

I was surprised (and somewhat annoyed) to see that the choice is mine. Building up or tearing down self confidence and self esteem is totally in my control, it is an internal process, not an external one. Hmm... GREAT! This is going to be interesting. I'm pretty stuck in my current pattern. The workbook has two diagrams, one for the pattern of creating lack of self-confidence and one for the pattern of building self-confidence. I am a visual learner, so it helped me to see the cycles on paper. During our Week 3 session Claudette highlighted a spot in each cycle called a “choice point”. At the choice point, we choose what we tell ourselves. Are we going to take an event as positive or negative? Are we going to beat ourselves up or build ourselves up? Choice – and (gasp) responsibility, what do we do with our experiences? Pretty neat. It sure takes away the opportunity to be a victim of circumstance and opinion--this really jives for me as I am big on taking responsibility.

So... what to do with this information? Now that I have this insight I can't just ignore it. But I am unconvinced that I have the wherewithal to change this cycle, it is pretty ingrained. I am going to have to lean heavily on Claudette here for a guidance and suggestions on how to start looking for opportunities, to be aware that of a choice point, then to choose the affirmative path. She suggested that I focus on my difficulty in taking a compliment. I always shrug off compliments or deflect them. I am uncomfortable at the core of my being with compliments. My gem from Claudette this week is that when I shrug off a compliment I not only hurt myself by not accepting that I am worthy, I also negate the person giving it. Almost like saying, “Yeah right, what do you know?”.When I give a compliment I am sincere and would hope the person appreciates that I took the time to share my appreciation. Not very nice to discount someone's complement about me just cause I have “issues”. Interesting perspective.

So this week I am learning to take a complement and to watch my reaction. There is a choice point for me in taking a compliment, really taking it in without judgments and just enjoying it. I hope to learn to bask in it sooner rather than later. I have, despite the popular saying, witnessed an old dog learning a new trick, so there is hope for me I'm sure.

Woof, woof... bring it on.

Week 2 – Yikes I'm Gaining!

I have completed Week 2 of my 12 Weeks to Weight Loss and Wellness workbook and had my second session with Claudette. Yikes! I realized that I am gaining! Expanding! For the first time in my life I am happy about it. I am expanding the way I view my life. Gaining a new perspective. It is not always comfortable or easy, but overall this is what I have been looking for. The workbook this week definitely wasn't easy. It was about staying motivated, defining a realistic goal and determining core values.
Motivation right now is tough for me. Normally I tend to be an all or nothing type of person. Right now I find that I am not capable of the energy needed to maintain an all or nothing attitude in any part of my life. It is hard to get motivated if you know that the effort can't be what you want it to be. Claudette asked if I would consider myself a perfectionist. At first I scoffed at the idea, moi??? I never achieve perfection. She then explained that perfectionism is continually searching for perfection, not achieving it. Oh...I started to connect the dots. Ha! She hit the nail on the head!
My expectations of myself are extremely high and when I can't meet them exactly, WELL! I am an obvious failure, surely everyone will notice and be totally disapointed in me (you have just met my inner teenager, she is quite the drama queen). Thinking back, there were times that I achieved or surpassed my own expectations, I would give myself a mental “high five”, then I would set an even higher standard for myself. Coocoo for CoaCoa Puffs! What a downward spiral.
At least now I can see that change would be good, small steps! I need to be more loving and less of a disciplinarian all the way around. It is going to be hard to tone down my inner dominatrix, get her to store the whip, but I'll get there. I think that the 80/20 rule from the workbook (page 16) is really going to help, it is brilliant! It sounds fair reasonable, I like fair and reasonable! I can make healthy choices 80% of the time, and I'll work on making the 20% guilt free.
Knowing this helps me move on to the goal setting phase of Week 2. This part of the workbook goes through being realistic about expectations and setting goals. There is a lot of good information here including... “We want to believe in magic, but there is no magic when it comes to weight loss.” Giggle, obviously I'm not the only one out there who wants a magic wand! The word real is found in realistic for a reason! It is comforting to know that I am not alone. In fact I mentioned to Claudette that it seemed like this chapter was written with me in mind.
There is an excersize asking you to write down your weight loss goals and objectives, then you flip the page and they ask if your goals reflect strong inner values or do they reflect external motivators (to visit and old friend looking like Cindy Crawford). Then it asks if you need to “revisit” your goals. Ha... you bet I had to. Remember Week 1 and how I was a little confused about core values? Well, now I know why they were mentioned. It is necessary to know what your inner values are so that you can set goals to reflect them. Your core values help motivate you to keep making those healthy choices and meet those goals. It is necessary to get in touch with them. If you set goals not in touch with your core values it is almost like you are out of phase (ooh Trekkie leak), out of sync with your self. How the heck am I going to stick to any goal if it does not jive at my core. Bingo!
Now what are my core values? Claudette and I spent the majority of our session on this. I would think I was on the right track then as we spoke it turned out to be a need, not a value. It got a little confusing for me, this is where having a coach to offer support and suggestions is of great value. The gem for me this week is that most of ones core values are set by the age of 7. Wow, that was a long time ago. I can really see how living to meet external motivators and the stress of daily life can cloud over core values, making them hard to see. I realized that I have to find my sunshine. It is somewhere behind my clouds. When I can feel the warmth, it will be much easier for me set valuable goals and achieve them. Claudette gave me an additional worksheet to help determine my core values. Cool, bonus material! I am going to work on finding my values and move on to Week 3.
Whew, I don't mind this kind of gain at all!

Week One – Ready, Set, Whoa! This is Different!

Alright, I've got my brand new pencil, my workbook, and my coach (how cool is that). I have resolved to give 12 Weeks to Weight Loss and Wellness a fair shake. Being used to diets, this program feels strange to me but I am willing and ready to start. I will cover a chapter each week and then have a phone session with Claudette.
I started going through Week 1 in the workbook. I was feeling pretty confident. I understand most of the principles. I know diets don't work and that I need to make healthy choices around food and exercise. I need to love myself. All good review so far... I'm going to be an “A” student. OK, hold on. What's this? The book starts to talk about core beliefs, perceptions and values. Weight is a function of what is going on in your internal dialog. It mentions that I will likely need to make changes to my core beliefs to maintain healthy weight loss. What???! I am not even sure what my core beliefs are, never mind if they need adjusting. Maybe I need to take a core sample, ha! (Sorry, my dad is a geologist. Only people who wear corduroy and hush puppies will get the joke.) Core values, hmm... this is different. I have talked about feelings and food. But what do core values have to to with achieving a healthy weight? Interesting.
I keep working my way through the workbook, I turn to page 14. This becomes my favorite page in this chapter. It talks about “What happens when we change our behavior”. I like change, it equals new, shiny, exciting, stimulating, a change of pace, opportunities and possibilities... I like new. However, too much new always leaves me a little down. They use the word melancholy in the workbook. Great word, one of those words that sounds exactly like what it means. I have never thought that it was OK to feel melancholy with positive change. I should be happy, excited about changes for the better. Any type of change, good, bad or in between, has a process of feelings attached to it. This is mind-blowing, a light bulb moment for me! All of a sudden I am not just focused on how the workbook will help me lose weight. This is about my life as a whole. Whoa, this is different! I finish up the chapter pretty excited and look forward to my one-on-one with Claudette.
I chose a time for the meeting that allowed me to have quiet without interruptions (not so easy around my house). I have gone to one-on-one sessions before but I have to admit phone coaching sounded a little weird to me. I like to sit face to face with the person I am talking to. I shouldn't have worried, it was amazing how fast I forgot that I was on the phone. Claudette asked me questions about my diet history and my life in general, then we discussed what I read in Week 1. She added so much to the content of the chapter! She tied it into my personal history, which really brought what I was reading home for me. We discussed my habit of yo-yo dieting and how undisciplined and out of control I felt. Why can't I stick with a diet? I've beaten myself up for this sooooo many times, always ending up feeling like a failure. She gave me this little gem... a diet is a short term behavior. Again, this explains so much. How can I possibly achieve long term success with a short term behavior. No wonder “diet” is a four letter word; it is obscene to do that to your mind and body over and over again. This gem gave me a new perspective, which is a very sweet treat (and no calories).
We move on to discus of my favorite page, the stages of change (yes, page 14). Claudette expanded the description of each stage. I learned that it is important to name and acknowledge all the feelings involved in change. Even if I like change the change it is normal for me to feel anxious or vulnerable. She helped me realize that I tend to get stuck in the second stage--“transition”, the urge to return to familiar patterns, which stems from of the awkwardness of trying new things. It is important to have good support in this phase and to celebrate achievements, no matter how small. Each small victory will help me move forward. An awareness of the stages of change is helping me in my current situation (adjusting to moving across the continent) and it will also help me as I move through this program.
In concluding our Week 1 session we talked about making small changes and building awareness. We also talked about breaking my day down into manageable sections. I have never divided my day into sections (morning, afternoon and evening), it has always been one long "to do " list. I will try this approach and see where I can make small changes. No return to my all or nothing habits, just small health conscious choices. Reduce sugar consumption... not eliminate it cold turkey (as I have tried in the past). Drink a bit more water. Pick less sedentary activities. And be more aware of how I am feeling. All small no-pressure choices.
It was a good first week. The program is making me think and apply new learning to my daily life. The coaching was great. I enjoyed my first session with Claudette, I like her insights and that I can laugh with her. It makes the whole thing seem less overwhelming.
A good start.

Introducing....Me and My Secret Desire!

Hi! My name is Kristi and I will confess right up front that what I really, really want most of all is a magic wand! A quick tap on the head and zing perfect, healthy, hot body. If I can't have the wand, how about a quick fix, a secret formula, you know... an easy breezy perfect DIET. Yes, I said the four letter word! I know, I know,diets don't work, there is no 6 weeks to a perfect figure. Having tried just about every craze out there, after years of gaining and losing plenty of pounds. I know for sure that there is no magic wand, quick fix or secret formula, just discipline and hard work. RATS!!!

I recently moved from a prairie city in Canada to a coastal village an hour outside of New York city in the USA. (And yes, I “heart” NY). This move was accomplished after a year and a half of upheaval and change, I'll spare you the gory details. Not long after moving I turned 40. All in all I figured it was time to reevaluate my life. What next? I know... very cliche! I quickly came to the conclusion that I want to be healthier, kick some weight and make better choices all around. Where is that magic wand?! Oh yeah... RATS!!!

So, I began pondering how to go about losing 50 pounds, yet again. Ugh... I am so tired of doing this! What will it be this time? I just couldn't drum up enthusiasm for any of my past methods. One bright fall day I stopped by to see Wendy Bodnar, a very close friend and founder of The Growth Shop. As we were enjoying the late afternoon sun on her deck she mentioned that her business partner Claudette Pelletier-Hannah just sent her a new program that looks very interesting. I went home that day with Wendy's copy of 12 Weeks to Weight Loss & Wellness in my bag and plans to talk to Claudette. I was pretty excited, a new possibility.

In preparation for my conversation with Claudette I perused the workbook. The program looked good. I was happy to see that it did not revolve around counting, measuring or weighing food. How refreshing. I liked the set up, section by section with questions interspersed. The focus seemed to be more on assessing behaviors, perception and feelings. Alright! Liking what I saw I talked to Claudette who confirmed that the program was about growth on many levels. By the end of our conversation we agreed that she would coach me through the program. Very exciting! A new more thoughtful, intentional approach with the help of a coach.

No more diets. No magic wand... Cool!