Week 4 - Quick Like a Bunny... Not Always a Good Thing!

Whew, what a journey, and it is only week four. I feel like my kids do when they are in the car 30 minutes into a 3-day road trip… “are we there yet?”. And now I hear that the program gets more interesting as it goes on. Well it is week 4 and I started looking at my relationship with food.

I like food a lot… or… I like a lot of food (ha!). My relationship with food is long and colourful. I am definitely an emotional eater; biggest trigger emotions seem to be feeling overwhelmed or anxious. I also eat when I am tired or bored. I like to try different foods for fun. And I eat out of habit; oh it is “lunch time”. This week I learned that I rarely eat because I am hungry. And I definitely don’t stop when I am comfortably full, I will often eat until my stomach groans. Saying it out loud… well … it just sounds… wacky? Definitely embarrassing, no one likes to be perceived as a glutton or out of control. Really makes me stop and think, which I obviously don’t do a lot of when I am eating. I have gut reactions, habits and compulsions around food that I frequently act on before my brain even kicks into gear. Well smack me on the head! Duh… there is a “choice point” when I eat too! OH… I have to start applying what I am learning to my eating not just my internal dialogue about myself – fun! Sigh, it is going to be a lot of work to retrain my brain. Honestly, the thought is rather daunting.

Habits, reactions, patterns… CLICK…. my approach to food has been and how I have been dieting has done a lot of damage to my body and brain. Not only does my body horde every calorie from years of extreme diets and fads. I seem to be at war with my body. I either ignore hunger thinking “yeah, now my body must be burning fat” or I fill myself up to feel soothed “gimme that oral Novocain” because who wants to feel fat and depressed and anxious (because I am out of control), lets eat. What a merry-go-round! And I am stuck on it because it has become a habit to go round and round, it is just how I cope day to day.

Well, feeling stuck in my own muck! Definitely need to dump the old attitudes and patterns… bad habits. Habit rhymes with rabbit for a reason… instinct… zing off I go like a shot to do what I always do. Just like a bunny, not much brain power happening! React, jump, quick escape… food.

Ain’t awareness grand! At this point I am teetering on the edge of overwhelmed, so much to change! Now I want to eat. It helps to have the boost of talking with Claudette. She is the voice of reason when I get wrapped up in circular thinking and feeling overwhelmed. It is always good to debrief the week with her. This week we talked about conscious choices, being aware of hunger and responding to it. She also reminded me to remember to take small bites (not just with food), make small changes. Focus on awareness and being conscious of when and how I eat. And to calm down, I don’t have to do it all today! I am really trying to implement Claudette’s advice and not beat myself up for where I am at, instead to compliment myself for each positive choice. I am getting pretty good at taking them now and I find that it is also nice to give them to myself . A mental pat on the back when I make a good choice, like having water instead of soda. Hey! I just realized that I have not had a sugary soda in weeks. I am drinking much more water than I used to and taking in less sugar, pat, pat, pat way to go me! And with that small victory I will gladly move ahead to week five.