Week 10 - Wing Check... Almost Ready to Fly!

Week 10 – Wing Check, almost ready to fly!

Warning! I am about to wantonly use a cliché, feel free to groan, the glass as half full. I feel the shift inside me, my thought process has become much more positive. Not, that I don’t have my setbacks (cough, cough), I had a bit of a chocolate binge this week. But with my new and improved point of view I no longer turn a poor decision into a huge failure/crisis (remember week 6… shiver). My chocolate fix was more than a reasonable amount, over the top one might say. No freak out, I have put it on my list of things to keep working on. Chocolate is not one of the food groups, 3-5 servings a day is not part of a balanced diet! I’m getting there, slowly but surely. Using my new attitude of self-acceptance: just keep going, be less critical and love myself a little more each day. This feels good! I would like to work on seeing my glass filled to the top and spilling over, never mind this halfway business.

The “Strokes/Put-downs exercise this week was great. The “put-down” column was pretty empty, proof that I have really put the brakes on negative self-talk, yeah! Unfortunately, the “strokes” column was just as bare. After I had done the exercise, it looked like I hadn’t finished it, lots of empty spaces. Those little mental pats on the back are missing, with one exception… I will give myself a mental “high five” when I “do” something that has a tangible external results. Great job on the PTA certificates, they looked great, job well done Kristi! As far as telling myself that I am pretty amazing for no reason… yikes, this just does not happen!

This bothered me, so we spent some time on it during our weekly session. Claudette lead me through a very uncomfortable, but valuable exercise. She asked me to tell her how other people would describe me. It made me step outside my blank slate view of myself and look at myself from an external perspective. Very cool, she even emailed me the list we created; it is very effective to see it on paper! I’m pretty awesome. Now I have to work on getting it into my head and believing it. One of the hurdles I have to get over is that I am afraid that I will turn into a raving ego maniac and no one will want to come anywhere near me. Yes, another irrational thought to put to rest. Good girls don’t brag! If you are too confident you are accused of being bossy or pushy. These are old messages that need to be rewritten. I think that I am self aware enough now to finally figure it out. It will mean moving beyond my comfort zone, yet again! Here is the gem for the week… I need to focus on learning the difference between “human being” versus “human doing”. I can and should give myself credit for who I am not just what I do.

Good learning this week! I am finding that as my confidence grows it is not so overwhelming to find out that there will always be something to learn and work on. That thought used to stop me in my tracks. But this week looking back and reviewing the “essential tools” list (pg 88) I realized that while I haven’t got it all down pat, I am well on my way. I feel good about that and I no longer have the expectation that everything will change over night. But on the other hand… looking back, a lot can change in 10 weeks! I can’t believe that I am almost at the end of the workbook! Where did the weeks go? I clearly remember it being week 2 and thinking, this is going to take “FOR-EV-ER”. Now I don’t want it to end! What will I do without a chapter to follow and my weekly appointment with Claudette, she has been great, I will miss her a lot. Time to get ready to fly. Every baby bird has to take the leap sometime and my wings are almost ready! Two more weeks, I am sure the program will get me ready to move forward, then 1… 2… 3… Sore!