Week 9 - The Drill Sergeant Takes a Hike!

In and out… in and out… nice and deep… in and out. No, not that! Get your mind out of the bedroom!! All week I have been practicing deep breathing – it is a good thing! Claudette suggested this as a technique to help me beat my need for adrenaline. Taking big deep breaths from the diaphragm naturally calms the body down. So, as I feel myself escalating into panic mode, I take a few deep calming breaths and voila. It gives me the break I need to find a better perspective. I can then engage all the good stuff I have been learning, instead of spinning out of control. It is a nifty trick, much more effective than I thought it would be. I am starting to understand and experience “calm energy”. It definitely came in handy this week while looking at the topic of communication.

The various types of communication are not new to me. I completed my certification as a mediator/negotiator while living in Edmonton, Alberta. Several of the courses dealt with communication styles and how to recognizing them in yourself and others. The aim was to develop an assertive style of communication, I became pretty good at it. This first part of the chapter this week was a great review/check-up for me. I noticed that when I am tired or panicky I give up my skills and revert to a not so great style of communication. Using the breathing technique helped me to stay calm and refocus with good results. It is really hard to be a good listener when you are all keyed up, and if I am not listening then there is little chance that I am communicating in a healthy manner. But… I sure can tell people what to do like an army drill sergeant (I’m blushing! I know better than that.) So, this week I was able to calmly observe that I have been creating a vicious cycle. Get keyed up, stop thinking, and start barking orders. Feels good to be able to put a stop to this cycle by calming down and getting back to using my skills! I can be a very good communicator when I am paying attention. I think my family is grateful!

The second part of the chapter was about support systems, “having good listeners in your life is a very good stress management tool”. This was an eye opening exercise. I have never thought to analyze my relationship. To analytically look at what kind of support network I have, and where I need to build. It seems a little clinical, but as I went through the questions I could see the value in examining how you relate to the people around you. It is just another part of conscious living. I realize that I need to tap into my network more. In a previous blog I mentioned my habit of being “super friend” where I am the supporter at all times. When I have need of support I don’t want to “impose” so I try to “go it alone”, I don’t share myself with others. This cuts me off from the support that my support network could and would offer me. My choice… lonely choice! I do have some pretty terrific people around me; it is time that I let down my defenses (stop being afraid) and start using the support that they can offer. I am definitely going to keep this in mind as I meet new people here in New York. With my new relationships I am going to establish a give and take dynamic right from the beginning. Even the thought of it feels weird, but relying more on others and being intentional about my relationships is never going to happen unless I start NOW. You never know what will happen in life until your open up a take a risk! I expect great things… I’m worth it!